Sewing a-la Frankenstein

I cannot sew. The only needle I have is a tapestry needle for knitting projects. Therefore, a rip in any of my clothing is a near tragedy, especially since no matter how many shirts, pants, sweaters etc I have, I tend to rotate around only 5 options at a time. I guess that's as much decision making as my brain can handle compared to everything else in my life. So to lose one of the 5 in the rotation is pretty crippeling.

I was super-peeved this spring when my almost cashmere Mossimo sweater from Target formed a huge rip along a back seam only about 6 weeks after purchase. Waking up the other day to discover Fall had officially arrived, I yearned for that ripped sweater which I hadn't been able to bring to myself to throw away. What to do? I figured, if I can't mend it with a perfectly blended seam, I'll just make my clunky sewing effort super obvious. So here's my first attempt at both sweater mending and embroidery. I almost went lime green...