Today starts the next 10 days of having no classes; a time dubbed "Reading Week" by Mars Hill Graduate School; time to do all the homework you should've been doing the last month and a half and to prep for the last half of term. So of course, most people are using this time to go to Mexico and sunbathe. I'm actually gonna give it a shot. It's not that long ago that I fantasized about waking up in the morning with nothing to do all day but read; nowehere to go, no jobs, no appointments, just read. And that's exactly where I'm at, the only thing I have scheduled is to take care of Abby a couple hours next Friday. So why did I only read like 40 pages today?
Wednesday night was my last class for a bit- my counseling practicum, in which for 25 minutes I counselled a fellow student while the rest of the group and two faculty observe. Then we deconstruct it for an hour and a half. I walked out of the building really needing connection- basically, wanting a drink- with people, but everyone was taking off for the break. And the wacky thing is, the hard time about the practicum session wasn't because of critique, or feeling exposed. It's because I had to spend an hour with people telling me I did well, while I squirmed and tried to criticize myself out of their praise. And I feel ambivalent even typing this.
So, things I was thankful for in light of having to leave that situation alone:
-the snowfall as I walked home from my bustop
-"Helplessly Hoping" coming on my Ipod right when I needed it
-My sister-in-law calling me to ask if I could watch Abby next week, then calling right back to say she and my brother were coming down to pick me up so we could watch "Marie Antoinette" and I could stay over at their place last night
-Tonight, my roomate inititating week 3 of Thursday means "get Greek food and watch crime shows," though CSI was a rerun and we watched "Lethal Weapon" instead
So, I guess I'm still coming down off the "wha' happenned?" of practicum, and having trouble cracking open the books. It's been really hard to focus this term. I feel the lack of creative outlet in a big way, and don't know what to do about it. Which is a shame, because I love what I'm studying, I'm just lacking balance.
What a blessing to finally own "Marie Antoinette" though. Matt added it to his Amazon wishlist as soon as the credits were through. That movie ministers to my soul like few things I know of. I swear, watching it regulates my heart beat while calling me into deep emotion at the same time. Sofia Coppola is gonna be directing the opera "Manon Lescaut" in southern France for the 2009-2010 season, so maybe I'll do my 29th internship with her or something.
Okay, let the venting stop, for now.
PS: I'm assuming I'm not the only one who believes that Yankee Candles can cause brain damage. Perhaps that's the key to all of this.
PPS: I'll post some Abby pictures after she and I hang out next week. She loves posing for photobooth.
Belief: then and now
6 minutes ago