I was talking to Garth the other day about how clearly I am not "the Reluctant Blogger", since I've been hitting up this bad boy pretty regularly, and that perhaps a better name for this blog would be "Purging the Trivial". and it's true. Whereas many people use blogs to expound deep thoughts and explore issues, mine is more of a Bulletin Board of the Brain, where I can pin up random scraps of my mind for others to skim over. Is this because I have no deep welling ponderances, questions or struggles? Duh, no. But I've found that having a space to purge the trivial lists, obsessions and fascinations of my Self, is helpful in that it perhaps clears away space and makes room for the real contemplation and wrestling. Perhaps, it's simply helpfully dissociative. Like, the more intense my inner world grows- the more heavy my heart and earnest my struggle, the more tangential my blog becomes. And I guess I'm okay with that, Where am I going with this? I just wanted to approach the idea that I've been carrying a World in me this week, and haven't really had an outlet for it, and have felt it growing fuller and heavier and have had no way to set this thing down, or release it in anyway. And if I think about putting words on the screen about what's going on inside my heart, it wouldn't do justice to my feelings or my questions.
So I guess I would like to be able to use this space to voice some of the paradigms I find myself shifting within, or the even just some of what I'm learning out here, but I think it'll take time. In many ways, I'm just learning how to speak for the first time, and I find it's helpfull to have a playfull outlet to laugh at myself and celebrate the strange culture we live in. This is a very unentertaining post, so Ill end with Neil Young singing to me:
Old Man take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me the whole day through
Have one look at my eyes and you can tell that's true
I miss my singing buddies right about now...
Belief: then and now
4 minutes ago